Thursday, 30 April 2009

I know it's supposed to be satirical...

..but yet again, the Daily Mash have it spot on.

Gordon's Bad Day

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

"Please Go" petition now most popular.

take a look.

People with far too much time on their hands

Have been making complaints about adverts.

Complaints about Barnardo's or Volkswagen's shaking dog advert are kind of expected, but some of these are just ridiculous.


A TV ad for Walkers crisps featuring ex-footballer Gary Lineker was deemed offensive for a scene in which a bus drives under a bridge and has its top deck ripped off.

Some of those who complained said it may upset people who had experienced such accidents.

...and even more ridiculous....


There were complaints for the use of footage of French singer Edith Piaf singing her signature song Je Ne Regrette Rien with subtitles making it appear that she "should have gone to Specsavers".

Many of those who complained felt it trivialised the tragic life of the French singer.

How on earth can people even think of finding an advert like that offensive? Even the people who sit at home getting offended on other people's behalf would have problems.

God, some people.

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Bet he's saner than both Gorgon and Badger-Brows

A guy who filled Bristol Crown Court with a "foul garlic smell" (from the look of him, probably just from walking in there) has changed his name to Gordon Alistair Darling-Brown.

Gordon Alistair Darling-Brown, looks like Jim Royle with special needs but still smarter than both Gorgon and Badger-Brows.

Saturday, 25 April 2009

Plane Stupider

More on those arrogant Plane Stupid cunts, who think they have the right to tell everyone else how much they are "permitted" to fly, disrupt people's holidays and travel plans, all with a maddening lofty holier-than-thou attitude.

It's been revealed that the police pay informers within these protest groups for information, which didn't surprise me all that much.

What did surprise me, however, was this:
But Miss Gifford said police were trying to disrupt the legitimate activity of environmental groups.

Legitimate? Fucking legitimate? I don't know what twisted morals are in the world you inhabit, "Matilda", you fucking hypocritical Marxist trustafarian, but I don't really see anything legitimate about using bolt-croppers to break into an airport and trespass on the runway, making a misery of hundreds of people's days.

I bet as you're there, ramming your misguided environmentalist dogma down people's throats, whether they like it or not, you probably think that most people support you. I'm fairly confident that as they sit there, baking in an airport with their flight delayed until the next morning, with two tired and upset kids screaming in their ears, they don't fucking support you or your arrogant beliefs.

You're such a typical climate/G20 protester, you try to make out that you're "in touch" with what the general public are feeling when it's patently clear to everyone from the BBC interview that you're fresh out of private school, taking a "few years off, yah" before going to university, and the only reason you can afford to be protesting in the first place rather than working is because Mummy and Daddy pay for your existence. Your name is "Tilly", for fuck sake. How in touch do you really think you are?

Many people do care about the planet and about climate change - but a lot of people are turning against people like you that try to ram it down our throat constantly. Apathy is growing, as I knew it would. Soon, as the economic situation worsens, people won't stomach all these taxes, restrictions, and bans that come under the "green" umbrella. It can't come fucking soon enough as far as I'm concerned, I've felt apathy to all this climate change alarmism for a while. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of arrogant, holier-than-thou despicable people like you trying to make me feel guilty for merely existing.

Fuck off, "Tilly", and the horse you rode in on.

Friday, 24 April 2009

Tell Gordon to go

Via Guido, I hear of this petition.

Please can you all sign it.

Yet another twat....

Is UWE Professor Martin Plant, who thinks that Supermarkets selling cheap alcohol are akin to "crack dealers".

Supermarkets which sell cheap booze have been accused of behaving like crack dealers by a Bristol professor.

Addiction expert Martin Plant told an influential committee of MPs that retail giants had ignored years of warnings that low-cost alcohol kills.

The University of the West of England Professor of Addiction Studies, who has been researching the social impact of alcohol and drugs for nearly 40 years, said studies showed education about the harmful effects had little impact on consumption but hiking up prices did – a move he wants introduced.

I wonder why it is that everyone who advocates charging higher prices for alcohol in order to "save us from ourselves" looks like they have no mates, and have never had a drink in their life?

But this is what it's all about, isn't it? Saving us from ourselves. Social experimenters like this fucking cunt and most other university professors, government ministers, etc, who believe that we simply can't be trusted to live our lives on our own. We need constant guidance, interference and control. Notice the constant references to "young people" throughout the article as well. But won't somebody think of the children?

Fuck right off and leave me the fuck alone, you nannying, hectoring, supercillious, patronising CUNT.

If only more councillors talked like....

Ashley Fox.


Why the government's "£2k off a new car" scheme is such a load of bollocks

So, there's been a lot of hot air and misguided self-congratulatory backslapping by the government about their car scrapping scheme.

However, after some in-depth analysis, I can confidently announce it's a load of fucking bollocks. Here's why:

  • It seems the car you get the discount on has to be new. Early reports from the BBC at least suggested it had to be new or nearly-new, but it seems this has changed as they've realised that people buying nearly-new cars doesn't really benefit the car industry in any way.
  • .
  • Most people who own a car over ten years old probably can't afford a new one. Let's face it, the cost of a decent new car is a good £10k - except if you've got a family and need a bigger car, and then you're looking closer to £15k. What difference, really, is £2k going to make? You can save more money by buying a nearly-new car with 20,000 miles on the clock. (see point above)

  • The car you're trading in for £2k has to have an MOT. This is absolutely fucking ridiculous. What is the point in scrapping a car if it has an MOT? The only reason you'd scrap it is if you don't think it will pass it's next one without a lot of costly work. Presumably this is to stop people going down the scrapyard and picking up a banger for £20, then scrapping it again and getting the £2k voucher, but it seems like the worst possible way of regulating it. Though with the government's track record, that should hardly come as any real surprise.

  • Most of the emissions generated by cars are generated by their production and destruction. A commonly-touted fact. So what will the green lobby make of these proposals?
  • .
  • The government are only paying £1k. The other £1k is expected to be stumped up by the dealer. Am I the only one to see the farce in this? Fuck me, since when have car dealers been trustworthy? As soon as this scheme comes in, they'll bump the price up (probably by more than £1k), totally negating the point of the vouchers, and penalising people who don't have a car to scrap.

How on earth can they be proud of this half-baked joke? Come to think of it, how the fuck can they be proud of this half-baked budget?

Thursday, 23 April 2009

Another wierd video from Gordon Brown

Found here.

Wierd points:

* The hands at the start of the video. I assume this is his version of Steepling.

* False Dropped T's - 0:02-0:03 - "Wha' are we about" - looks like he's trying to emulate Blair, who purposefully dropped his T's in speeches in an attempt to appear "cooler".

* "This is not taxation for it's own sake" - that's exactly what it is, you felchgobbling mong.

* Interesting to describe the redistribution of wealth through taxation as a "project" - let that one slip a bit didn't he!

More Lies

This time, unsurprisingly, it's Darling.

Every country in the world is facing similar sets of problems, most countries are responding in the same way as we are.

Bollocks. Most countries are not responding in the same way you are, you odious, lying little shit.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Which organisation is this?

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600 employees and has the following employee statistics:

29 have been accused of spouse abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

9 have been accused of writing bad cheques

17 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71 cannot get a credit card .

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shop-lifting

21 are currently defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last year

Which organisation is this?

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Mandelson says smear row is "over"

Look chump, we, the public decide when it's over, you sneering arrogant felchmong, not you and your cronies.

In fact, since Guido has been the one doing all the digging and publishing (and waiting for the MSM to catch up) I think it'll be him that decides when it's over.

Reports that the Labour Party's general secretary met the men caught up in the smear campaign row to discuss online strategy was "tittle-tattle", he said.

What the fuck does "tittle-tattle" actually mean, anyway? It seems to just mean "anything the government doesn't want discussed in the media".

Lord Mandelson said the matter was now closed and no-one in government was implicated in Mr McBride's dealings.

No it's not.

Fuck right off Mandelson, you mendatious, snivelling, sanctiomious cunt. Fuck you, and the cheap little rent-boy you rode in on. What the fuck are you even doing in government, anyway? I thought you had to resign in disgrace?

Saturday, 18 April 2009

Jacqui Smith is a cunt

Pretty much echoes what I said in my last post about her, but Old Holborn has revealed some interesting things.

I think we need to do a bit of digging on Meltwater.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Whelan the hypocrite

Courtesy of Guido, I notice that Charlie Whelan is now claiming he's been the target of a Tory dirty tricks campaign.

Right you are, Charlie.

However, what caught my eye are the tell-tale clues that Whelan clearly should not be let anywhere near a computer. Anyone who uses phrases like

In reporting this illegal act to my server, I discovered that it is not that difficult to hack into people's private e-mail accounts, and it actually happens quite often.

shouldn't be trusted with an email account, the contents of which they want to remain private. Who did you speak to in "your server" then? The little hard-drive men?

Another fact that 'Strathy' readers may not know is that the full contents of the offending e-mails were being hawked around the papers for large sums of money

Not according to Guido, who claims that he wanted to stay on the right side of the law by NOT trying to profit from them. I know who I believe, you lying, odious little turd.

I, however, am still considering if I should bring the police into the hacking of my own computer.

They'd only laugh at you, as you clearly haven't the faintest fucking idea what you're talking about.

Look, let's get a few things straight. I can tell by the content of the email (selling computers online) that he has become victim to a very popular attack where their Hotmail account is hacked, and a mail is sent advertising a site (, often with the subject "Your satisfaction our service!‏" (how very Engrish).

These mails aren't "purporting to come from you" as Charlie puts it, they are from you - the (probably) Chinese hackers have hacked your Hotmail account and sent it from there.

I've had these mails from three people who had me on their contacts list on hotmail so far, and after speaking to the two of them who I still am in regular contact with, both of them had fucking NAMES as their email password.

I would put large amounts of money on Charlie's Hotmail account being protected with a dictionary word. It was probably his wife's name. So what he means when he says "it is not that difficult to hack into people's private e-mail accounts" what he means to say is it's not that difficult if the private email account is protected with an easily crackable password.

I expect he imagines hackers to be like those in the film.

Damien Green won't be charged

Well, there's a surprise then, it's because there's insufficient evidence.

Of course there's fucking insufficient evidence, it's because he didn't do anything wrong, and the police arrested him on the say-so of Jacqui Smith.

Ms Smith told the BBC: "My job is to protect the British people and the sensitive information about them, which is what we have done."

Sorry, what? You fucking what?!?!?!!!!!

How, in any way shape or form, you fucking minging statist authoritarian slag, have you protected the British people? Tens of thousands of records of people's personal information has gone missing under your watch, in case it had slipped your mind. And still you have the gall, the temerity, the outright fucking mendacious CHEEK to try and foist ID cards and prying databases and fuck knows what else onto us, and all for the sake of "being for our own good". We don't get any choice in it of course, we wouldn't be trusted with the choice. Instead you try to claim (though I'd helpfully point out that NOBODY believes you) that you have loads of people telling you how much they want ID cards.

You can suck my sweaty ballsack, you fucking haggard transvestite-looking bitch, if you think I'll happily accept these authoritarian bullshit measures.

Oh, but if I haven't got anything to hide, I haven't got anything to worry about, right?

God, I fucking hate you Jacqui.

Potholes used by councils to slow traffic

In Essex, at the moment, but I wonder if Bristol are doing the same thing?

An Essex parish council wants potholes to be left unfilled for longer to act as a "natural traffic calming" measure. Navestock parish councillors claim repairing potholes is costly and allows motorists to drive faster. Critics say uneven roads are a danger to cyclists and motorbike riders and could lead to more insurance claims.

Has anyone done this? I know someone who allegedly claimed for compensation for new suspension on his car from the council but never had this verified. Can it be done?

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

This is the house where Jacqui lives.

View Larger Map

156 Ivydale Road
SE15 3BT

Kudos to Don't Panic. Saved here for prosperity.

Desperate backpedalling

from the IPCC.

The police watchdog has said its chairman was wrong to say there was no CCTV footage of an alleged police assault at the G20 protests.

What he probably means is that the cameras were turned off.

However, the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC) has now said that although Mr Hardwick believed he was correct at the time, it now appeared there were cameras in the surrounding area.

They're desperate for this all to go away, aren't they?

Culture of fear

So the BBC are reporting that UK society is becoming "increasingly fearful".

The report said "worst-case-scenario language" sometimes used by politicians, pressure groups, businesses and public bodies around issues such as knife-crime, MRSA, bird-flu and terrorism can have a detrimental effect on people's wellbeing.

No surprise there then. It's been the government's (especially Jacqui's) favourite justification for anything really shit, like ID cards, CCTV, DNA Database, rules against photographing the Police, etc - the list goes on. Orwell knew what he was talking about with the importance of fear - the 646 should have read their copies of 1984 just so they knew that we knew what they're up to. I wondered if the Mental Health Foundation (who commissioned the report) were instructed to do so in order to further increase the fear culture so we might be just a bit more accepting of the loss of civil liberties, but was suprised to note they were only funded to the tune of £80,000 from the Department of Health and £117,000 from Scottish public bodies (Scottish Executive Health Department and NHS), so not as "fake" as some of the other charities.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

Absolutely Unbelieveable.

I'm reeling in shock after reading a story that Obnoxio has picked up on, because finally my suspcions have been proven, in black and white, in the Telegraph. What will the green lobby make of this one?
The move will allow authorities across the country are set to introduce "green wave" schemes.A motorist approaching the first traffic light at the speed limit or just below would trigger a succession of green lights and travel down the road faster.

The schemes are already in use in cities including Amsterdam and Copenhagen, the scheme use sensors in the road to keep the traffic moving.The introduction of "green waves" will help to cut carbon emissions and traffic noise.

All sounds good so far, right? But then it gets interesting:
Up until now the Department for Transport discouraged such schemes, increasing motorists' frustration at being met by a succession of red lights.

It was because the Government feared motorists who were travelling smoothly, rather than stopping and starting, would use less fuel and pay less to the Treasury in duty as a result.

What the FUCK? So this was official CENTRAL government policy? I always thought it was local government doing it to increase support for a congestion charge. Same thing really, I suppose.

I cannot believe that the government has the temerity to have such a recommendation in place. Nothing could be clearer proof that the govenrment are just intent on fucking the motorist up the arse. And they even get the green lobby and militant-wing cyclists' approval and support with most of their schemes.

Fuck me, I'm angry now. Bristol City Council has some of the most blatantly rigged traffic lights I've ever come across, and now we know the official reason. A shining turd of an example is these bastard lights on Redcliffe Way approaching the Temple Circus Gyratory. You'll notice there are two individually traffic-light-controlled lanes - the left-hand lane is a bus lane, and the right-hand lane is for normal traffic. Traffic lights that let traffic through constantly (as there's no marked pedestrian crossing there) until a bus arrives where it's given priority - good idea right? Wrong. These traffic lights don't work on proximity sensors but a fixed timer that just swaps between the two lanes, regardless of whether there's actually a bus or taxi waiting in the bus lane or not. Often, you'll be sat there on a red, whilst the next set of lights along are green, allowing no cars through. Also, in rush hours, the timings change - during the day (when the google car was there) they are pretty much a "green wave" with the lights further down the road. But during rush hours, it's completely the opposite. The lights on the roundabout stay green, but the ones just behind will go red, but (and this is the key) the lights for next exit along do not change, so they are sat there waiting for nobody to go through. It's a fucking joke, and couldn't possibly be designed in such a poor way unless it was deliberate.

Exactly the same system operates at the lights on the roundabout at J2 of the M32, where they'll go green, but you can't go anywhere because the lights round to the left on Muller Road are still red, and the traffic backs up onto the roundabout.

I'm determined to get hold of Bristol City Council's SCOOT configuration to see if I can confirm my suspicions.

A fiver says nothing changes though.

Finally, a G20 Protester talking sense.

Well, it is Old Holborn.

Monday, 6 April 2009

They are all fucking at it. ALL of them.

It's becoming very clear now - MPs are all at it in this expenses row, with snouts well and truly in the trough. It doesn't matter what party they are for, or whether they're left, centre-left, centre-right, whatever. Labour, Conservative, Lib Dem, they are ALL at it.

Jacqui Smith billing a barbeque and a fucking doormat to the taxpayers, and badger-brows claiming all sorts of extra shit is equalled by Eric "Walrus" Pickles claiming all sorts of allowances for extra homes when he lives just 37 miles from Westminster - oh and by the way, the fat cunt's claims that he needs to get up at 5am are just clearly bollocks. If I wanted to be in Westminster for 9:30 I could probably get up later and I live in Bristol.

And the worst bit? That they think all of this greed, all of this fucking mendacity, can be justified by claiming they "didn't break any rules".

Oh, well that's just fucking fine then. Go ahead, bill any whimsical thing you can fucking think of to me, after all, it's within the rules. Although, I note with interest, they keep quiet about the fact that they wrote and voted for the rules.

The arrogance is just breathtaking.

Fucking cunts.

The height of hyprocrisy

Clare Balding making fun of someone's personal appearance?

Is she fucking serious?

Look, Clare, I'll break it to you gently. Not only do you look like a fucking bloke, but you look like a fucking ugly one too. With special needs. The fact that you are a lesbian is really no excuse whatsoever, and the fact you felt qualified to criticise someone else's personal appearance shows you must be blissfully unaware of your own.

Take a look in the fucking mirror.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Lack of blogging

Apologies for amount/quality of posts of late - employment has taken priority.

I will be returning to normal ASAP. Currently investigating some very juicy stuff with Bristol City Council. Watch this space.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

It's the genes

No it fucking isn't.

It's the pie and chips you gorge on every day. Do you fuck eat "Special K" when the cameras aren't there, you lying, lazy, fat scrounging slag.

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Gay Gordon

"Ooh you are awful, but I like you."

Thought for the day

Ever noticed that the seemingly the only people who protest against capitalism are the ones who don't have anything, are jealous of people who do, but can't be bothered to work for it?

CCTV cameras to be shut off for G20 summit

...reports the Grauniad.

The security operation at this week's G20 summit was thrown into chaos last night when it emerged that the entire network of central London's wireless CCTV cameras will have to be turned off because of a legal ruling.

The Department for Transport (DfT) has ruled that Westminster council's mobile road cameras - a third of the authority's CCTV network - "do not fully meet the resolution standards required" and must be switched off by midnight tomorrow.

The blackout begins on the eve of the summit, when world leaders arrive in the capital and protesters take to the streets.

This wouldn't be because the police are "up for a fight", would it?