Too fucking lazy to get dressed

Meet Elaine Carmody.



The awful Argos sprayed-gold earrings and council facelift should tell you all you really need to know about this woman. But there's more to her than that: she is so fucking lazy, she can't be bothered to get dressed when she goes out of the house.

She said she had regularly gone shopping at the store in her pyjamas until about a week ago when she was turned away when she went to buy cigarettes.

She said she been "popping in for a pack of fags," but if she had been doing a full shop "then we obviously would have gone in clothed".

I think given the earrings and this quote, it's safe to say that she spends all fucking day, every fucking day, laid out on her DFS sofa watching TV in her pyjamas.

She went on: "It's not as if you're making a show, if anything they should be happy because you're spending your money in their shop, but obviously they're not because you're not allowed in with pyjamas.

"So they're going to lose their custom with people going to other shops to buy stuff and they're allowed in with their pyjamas on."

Do you think Tescos is really that arsed about losing your custom, you lazy fat chav? They're probably more concerned about you shoplifting.

Update: In case you were in any doubt...

Life in this household...

...must be a fucking barrel of laughs.

Who GIVES a fuck, really?

With links all over the BBC News front page, that Apple are going to unveil a "new product".

As the BBC gushingly reports, there's apparently been a

swirl of speculation

about what this could be, but I really can't imagine that anyone other than the Apple Fanbois, who are of course wanking themselves into a frenzy over this, really gives a fuck.

Every time I read anything to do with Apple, especially where you get people's views on something reported, I'm reminded of this excellent summing-up of the average Mac user. It's fucking true as well, a classic case in point comes from iPhone owners. If anyone ever asks what new phone they should buy, I'll often chip in about my HTC Touch Pro 2, which has been brilliant, never crashes and has a physical keyboard which means your lovely touchscreen doesn't turn into an oily fingerprint-y mess after "typing" a two line text message. But iPhone users will always jump in with "Get an iPhone! Get an iPhone!" When pressed as to why they're so great, more often than not, they can barely answer. It was even worse for them when the iPhone lacked features that other WinMo-based phones had already had for the best part of a decade, such as copy-and-paste and video recording. They still can't answer my gripes about it, like not being able to put what software I want on there that Apple may not like, without "jailbreaking" it and voiding the warranty. The most devout fanbois will usually come back with some smug comment implying that I'm obviously stupid because I haven't got one. You've got to hand it to the Apple marketing department at least, people are happy to shell out what amounts to nothing more than an "Apple Tax" for something that admittedly has a nice screen, with good multi-touch, but that's really when the advantages end.

I do wonder if this will be like the last unveiling, where Steve Jobs revealed such wonderous new never-before-seen features like "flush mounted headphone jack" (I still remember cringing at the cheer that got from the audience, half of whom had just come in their pants) and "copy and paste"?

Well fuck me, break out the champagne

We're now officially out of recession Why? Because in Q4 2009, you know, when everyone spends loads on Christmas, the GDP grew by...wait for it...0.1%.

0.1 per cent? Fuck sake, you could achieve that kind of growth just by cooking the books. And it'll be negative again by end of Q1 2010.

Looks like they want some more control

And what's the best way to control people? Terror threats. For the few who pay attention to the threats and believe that for some inexplicable reason they should worry about them, they will be lead by fear. For the rest of us, there's lots of handy terror legislation - raising the Terror level allows them to justify the use of it.

Which is precisely why they've raised the terrorist threat level, despite there being not a fucking shred of intelligence to suggest there's actually an increased threat. Even the fucking Beeb have admitted as much:

The UK terror threat level is being raised from "substantial" to "severe", Home Secretary Alan Johnson has said.

Mr Johnson stressed there was no intelligence to suggest a terrorist attack was imminent.

So why the fuck have you raised it then, you statist moron?

The decision to raise the threat level was made by the UK's Joint Terrorism Analysis Centre (JTAC).

Mr Johnson said JTAC kept the threat level under constant review, making its judgments based on a broad range of factors, including the intent and capabilities of international terrorist groups in the UK and overseas.

But the best bit is yet to come:

He said: "We still face a real and serious threat to the UK from international terrorism, so I would urge the public to remain vigilant and carry on reporting suspicious events to the appropriate authorities and to support the police and security services in their continuing efforts to discover, track and disrupt terrorist activity."

You couldn't make this shit up.

The thing that I'm struggling with is who in the general public gives a flying fuck what the terror level means? If you ask any person in the street what it even was, and how it affected their lives, you'd find it's completely and utterly irrelevant in everyone's lives. This is for good reason - for example, what are we supposed to do if it goes up a level? There's nothing you can do, so what the fuck is the point in it? Are we not supposed to leave our houses if the level reaches critical?

The entire system makes a mockery of the Security Services, frankly. Especially when cunts like Alan Johnson use it to political advantage to try and quash dissent.

Now pay attention, proles. We know what's best for you.

Well, there goes the Tory vote

As they go after the motorist.

Taxes on driving, flying and other environmentally-damaging activities are to be increased by the Conservatives to fund tax breaks for married couples with children, the Daily Telegraph can disclose.

The money raised from “green taxes” will be used for a new “family fund” which will be used to cut income tax for families

The move will be necessary to make the tax breaks significant and help tackle Britain’s “Broken Society” problems.

So they think that tax breaks will keep people together? This is ignorance the likes of which we usually only see from the Labour benches.

But it is understood that the Conservatives are considering reintroducing the controversial fuel-duty escalator. This involved petrol duty increasing by several pence more than inflation every year.

However, it was abandoned by Labour following widespread protests over the high cost of petrol.

One Tory insider said: "We could reintroduce the fuel-duty escalator, as long as we were upfront about it. We would say the cost of petrol will rise for the next five years to reduce carbon emissions and fund tax cuts for families.

Fuck sake. It's just the current mongtards, but by a different name. We're kidding ourselves to think the Lib Dems would be any different.

I'm not looking forward to the next few years here.

Crime Figures

Ever noticed that when crime figures go down, it's a cause for celebration, but when they go up, it's due to a "change in the way figures are recorded"?

Which kind of begs the question of how the fuck they were recording the figures before? Did they just write the details on a Post-It note and throw it out the window?