A Picasso? All is explained.

So, the Chipmunk has had her car "attacked".

Former cabinet minister Hazel Blears' car has been attacked while she was out canvassing for votes.

Vandals slashed the tyres of the Labour MP for Salford's Citroen Xsara Picasso and smashed its windscreen.

I think they were doing her a favour frankly. I'm not sure if you have ever driven a Xsara Picasso, but I have. It's horrible. Fucking horrible. It's owned by people who just want to ferry their kids to school, to Sainsburys, and nothing else. The best description I've ever heard of one was that it was like driving "a wet lettuce".

You'd think, given the amount of money she's fucking stolen from us, she could at least be driving a half-decent car. Maybe though, she's using a bit of common sense - she lives in Salford - something else I can relate to as I went to University there. It is a fucking undiluted shithole.

However, it gets worse:

The ex-communities secretary said she did not think her car had been targeted because of who she was

Sorry, what? Fucking hell, Blears, are you really that fucking stupid?

Of course it's because of who you are. And what you did.

Or are you just admitting your constituency is really that fucking awful?

An MP who takes notice

Liberal Democrat Chris Huhne, even if he did nick LPUK's tagline.

Lib Dem home affairs spokesman Chris Huhne said the figures "beggared belief".

"Many of these operations carried out by the police and security services are necessary, but the sheer numbers are daunting," he said.

"It cannot be a justified response to the problems we face in this country that the state is spying on half a million people a year.

"We have sleepwalked into a surveillance state, but without adequate safeguards. Having the Home Secretary in charge of authorisation is like asking the fox to guard the hen house.

"The government forgets that George Orwell's 1984 was a warning and not a blueprint."

Fake, but cool anyway

It took me an hour to get home yesterday

...instead of 15 minutes, because of this.

The police closed a major dual carriageway (the A38) because of a bomb scare in the Royal Mail building which is near it.

What are the chances that

a) the bomb actually was a bomb - probably very low
b) the bomb would go off as I was driving past - extremely low
c) the bomb is large enough to do any serious damage, considering it was in a sorting office - very low
d) the bomb would do any damage to anything outside of the RM building, especially a road a good few yards away from it - extremely low

...I would have preferred to take my chances, frankly.

George Ferguson - Utter cuntstain

here.

Jeremy Clarkson is an environmental menace. He is also an unbelievably rude man – raising cheap laughs by calling our Prime Minister totally unacceptable and unprintable names.

Whatever anyone may think of Gordon Brown, his policies, or leadership qualities, it is clear to me that he is driven by a sense of public service and principles derived from his Scottish Presbyterian upbringing.

He may make mistakes but he is a fundamentally decent man.

I already hate this guy.

He certainly deserves more respect than Jeremy Clarkson who may be a successful TV entertainer but seems driven by nothing but a desire to glorify consumption and environmental irresponsibility.

Oh god, another envirocunt. Well, there's a surprise.

Every day that I move around Bristol I am amazed by the number of oversized gas-guzzling vehicles and four-wheel drive "Clifton tractors" that still inhabit our roads, in the almost certain knowledge of the damage they are doing to the environment on both a local and global scale.

The time has come for Bristol to lead the way with radical action to drive such ludicrous vehicles off our streets – but it seems the car lobby has friends as powerful as its vehicles.

And a fascist too! Why yes George, of course it's quite alright for you to dictate what cars people should be "allowed" to drive! His ignorance about 4x4s and environmental damage is highlighted by comments on the news story, thankfully.

I would have absolutely no fear about banning these monsters from our city streets.

Cripes, George. You are a cunt, aren't you.

I hear this week that Nottingham is to charge for workplace parking. This is a move that Bristol could do well to emulate, and with it I would bring in charging bands, with the larger, more fuel-hungry cars paying at least double the standard rate, and small, efficient cars paying half, or nothing at all.

So let's go one further and imagine a city where most of the cars are a maximum of 3.5 metres long (mine is 2.5 metres) as opposed to five metres or more.

Go fuck yourself Ferguson, with a rusty spade.

The power of marketing

So copying and pasting is "pretty incredible" is it?

Windows Mobile, in it's various previous forms (PocketPC and Windows CE), has been able to do that for well over a decade.

Fuck, I hate the iPhone, I really do. It has a nice-looking screen (though other phones have higher resolution now), multi-touch is good for games ... and that's about it. It's not the most amazing thing to hit the phone industry ever (in fact the HTC Touch Pro 2 is far better) but yet countless people believe it is, because of the adverts.

At least Apple do one thing very well, even if it's just the marketing.

Traffic Lights on the dashboard

on buses in Bristol.

According to the Evening Post:

First now plans to roll out the technology across its entire fleet of 9,000 buses in the UK by the middle of 2010 with the equipment picking up on acceleration and braking patterns as well as corner, lane and speed handling.

A 'traffic light' LED monitor on vehicle dashboards flashes green if the driver is driving correctly, or amber or red if a bus driver carries out an unwanted driving manoeuvre such as heavy braking or unnecessary acceleration.

So when will the government decide that we all need a "dashboard traffic light" telling us that The State doesn't approve of the last manoeuvre, and not just buses? I bet it happens.

Oh, but it reduces CO2 emissions, so it must be a Good Thing, right?

Unfortunately, Justin Davies, managing director of First in Bristol, is a complete cunt:

"The great thing about this project is that our drivers are the ones who can make a significant difference and they are real 'green' champions. By using DriveGreen to change their driving habits – even just in a small way – then the gains in terms of environmental efficiency are huge, as well as in areas such as the cost of fuel to the business, which means we can keep bus fares down, and the safety and comfort of our passengers."

Have you fucking bought a bus ticket recently Justin? Fuck you.